So, this was our morning:
A morning with A (girl child):
5.00 A: Miiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (to myself) Try to ignore. Please please let me sleep for a little bit longer!
5.15 A: Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (to myself) Try to ignore, try to ignore!
5.30 A: Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (to myself) I suppose this is a slightly more acceptable time to be awake. (to A) What’s the magic word? A: Please. Me: Ask nicely. A: Mummy, please can I have some milk? Me: Not just yet, it’s too early, try and go back to sleep. (to myself) Hehe!
5.40 A: Can I watch CBeebies? CBeeeeeeeeebies! Me: No, it’s too early, it hasn’t even started yet.
5.45 A: Miiiiiiiiilkshaaaaake! Me: No, that hasn’t started yet either. A: iplaaaaayeeeeeeeer! Me: Try reading a book if you can’t get back to sleep.
5.50 A: (volume raised) Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (fear of waking up neighbours and boy child now kicks in. Ask D to get milk as he will be up in 10 minutes anyway). Give me a minute!
5.55 (D delivers milk) A: Nooooooo, I asked mummy. Mummmmmmeeeeeee! Me: (taking milk from D and handing it to her) Here you go. A: No, I want mummy to make it. Me: (too tired to argue, go downstairs, wait 5 seconds, go back upstairs, hand it to her) Here you go. A: (drinks in silence). Me: (to myself) Phew!
6.00 (Children’s TV begins) A: Please can I watch TV? Me: Ok! (Put on TV, feel bad for putting on TV, make coffee, lie on sofa and try not to care while I drink said coffee hot).
7.00 (Breakfast). Me: (to myself) Panic! We only have cereal, and only one choice at that. Try anyway… (to A) Would you like some cereal? A: Ok! Me: (to myself) Result! (to A) Would you like some milk on it? A: No. Me: (to myself) Oh no, bowl in dishwasher. Nevermind, I’ll use another, she may not notice (yeah right!). Don’t forget the spoon. I always forget the spoon. (proudly take in cereal, so happy that I remembered a spoon). A: I don’t want a spoon. Take it away! Me: (to myself) Fail. A: Why is it in this bowl? I don’t. want. this. bowl! Me: (to myself) She noticed the bowl…
7.05 Me: (go to make own breakfast). A: Actually I would like milk on it! Please can you get me some milk? Me: (to myself) At least she said please… (get some milk, hand over a spoon – she definitely needs a spoon now) A: I don’t want a pink spoon, I want an orange one! Me: (to myself) Failed! Again! (to A) You don’t have an orange spoon??? A: YES I DO!!! (appears with random orange spoon I have never seen before in my life) Me: Oh! Ok then…
7.10 Me: (back to making my own breakfast). A: It’s gone soggy. I don’t want it SOGGY. I want something else to eat! Please can I have SOMETHING ELSE! Me: (to myself) Panic! There is nothing else… (search kitchen) Result! A banana! Only one though, but boy child is not awake yet so I should be ok. (to A) Would you like a banana? A: No, I would like an apple. Me: We don’t have any apples. A: APPLE! Me: (to myself) Note to self: get some more apples. (Decide to have banana myself).
7.20 Me: (sit down with banana). A: Please can I have a banana? Me: (hand over banana). A: No not that one, my own one! Me: This is the only one left. I haven’t even opened it yet, it’s fine. A: I want my own one!!!! Me: (take banana to kitchen, bring banana back in). A: (eats half of banana and discards rest). I want an apple! Me: We don’t have any apples. A: Please can you go to Sainsbury’s and get some? Me: I’ll get some later. A: NO, NOW!
8.00 Me: (to myself) Time to get dressed, can’t put it off any longer. Please don’t make me. 5 more minutes? No, let’s just get it over with… (to A&E) Time to get dressed! Go and find some clothes.
8.05 Me: (to A) Where are your clothes? A: I want to wear summer clothes today. Me: Ok, find yourself some knickers and then I’ll get the summer clothes out.
8.10 Me: Where are your knickers? A: I’m playing! Me: Get some knickers!
8.15 Me: (give up waiting, hand her knickers myself). A: I don’t want these ones! I want to get my own!
8.20 Me: Please put your knickers on.
8.25 Me: KNICKERS! A: Ok mummy, no need to shout! Me: (handing over a small selection of carefully chosen summer clothes to look at). Here are some summer clothes, which do you like? A: None, I want these… (picks up virtually everything else).
8.30 A: (finds shorts that are acceptable). Me: (handing her a t-shirt that goes) Here is a t-shirt that will go well with those shorts. A: NO! (tries on absolutely every other t-shirt in the pile).
8.40 A: (begrudgingly accepts first t-shirt I showed her). Me: Now go and find some socks!
8.45 A: (appears in one sock). Me: Go and find your other sock! A: Noooooo!
8.55 Me: Where is your other sock? A: (rolls around on floor screaming).
9.00 Me: Time to go! Where is your other sock? Please go and find your other sock! A: (continues rolling around on floor).
9.05 Me: SOOOOCK! A: Mummy, you are always shouting at me! Just ask nicely.
(Process then repeats with shoes).
9.10 Me: (to myself) Finally, out of the door. So glad I chose a pre-school so close to home.
9.15 Me: (to myself, after dropping A off at pre-school) It is probably far too early for celebratory wine. Let’s go to the park!
11.30 Me: (arrive home, find my attempt at making own breakfast, tidy all away, have coffee and chocolate).
12.15 Me: (pick up A from pre-school, having picked up apples on the way)
12.30 (Lunch). Me: (to A, excitedly) When you’ve finished your lunch you can have an apple! A: I don’t want an apple, I want grapes. Graaaaaaapes! Me: (to myself) And failed once more… Note to self: consider buying a farm, growing own fruit and veg, and rearing own cows for milk for an easier life.
(Still too early for wine. Wonder why I ever thought that having children was a good idea…)
A morning with E (boy child):
7.30 E: (Wakes up and plods downstairs. Sits quietly with milk).
7.35 E: (Accepts bowl of cereal with milk and spoon).
7.40 E: (Reads a book).
7.45 E: (Gets out some toys and plays).
8.00 Me: Time to get dressed! Go and find some clothes! E: (Brings nappy, wipes, and changing mat, and lies down on changing mat).
8.05 E: (Gets dressed).
8.10 E: (Plays)
8.45 Me: Go and find some socks! E: (appears with socks, shoes, coat and bag of stuff ready for park).
9.00 Me: Time to go! E: (gets in buggy).
9.30 E: (Plays in park).
11.15 E: (Gets into buggy and falls asleep).
(Decide that this whole parenting thing is a doddle and wonder how nice it would be to have lots more children…)
Admittedly, E is not an angel all of the time. He knows exactly how to wind A up, is developing quite a temper, and has a scream on him that can turn you into a quivering wreck. But, in general, he is well behaved and just so happy. Whereas A… Man, GIRLS! Nobody told me about girls! I probably should have known about them, being one myself, but some days I wonder if I will actually get through to bedtime…