Girl v Boy

So, this was our morning:

A morning with A (girl child):

5.00 A: Miiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (to myself) Try to ignore. Please please let me sleep for a little bit longer!

5.15 A: Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (to myself) Try to ignore, try to ignore!

5.30 A: Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (to myself) I suppose this is a slightly more acceptable time to be awake. (to A) What’s the magic word? A: Please. Me: Ask nicely. A: Mummy, please can I have some milk? Me: Not just yet, it’s too early, try and go back to sleep. (to myself) Hehe!

5.40 A: Can I watch CBeebies? CBeeeeeeeeebies! Me: No, it’s too early, it hasn’t even started yet.

5.45 A: Miiiiiiiiilkshaaaaake! Me: No, that hasn’t started yet either.  A: iplaaaaayeeeeeeeer! Me: Try reading a book if you can’t get back to sleep.

5.50 A: (volume raised) Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilk. Me: (fear of waking up neighbours and boy child now kicks in. Ask D to get milk as he will be up in 10 minutes anyway). Give me a minute!

5.55 (D delivers milk) A: Nooooooo, I asked mummy. Mummmmmmeeeeeee! Me: (taking milk from D and handing it to her) Here you go. A: No, I want mummy to make it. Me: (too tired to argue, go downstairs, wait 5 seconds, go back upstairs, hand it to her) Here you go. A: (drinks in silence). Me: (to myself) Phew!

6.00 (Children’s TV begins) A: Please can I watch TV? Me: Ok! (Put on TV, feel bad for putting on TV, make coffee, lie on sofa and try not to care while I drink said coffee hot).

7.00 (Breakfast). Me: (to myself) Panic! We only have cereal, and only one choice at that. Try anyway… (to A) Would you like some cereal? A: Ok! Me: (to myself) Result! (to A) Would you like some milk on it? A: No. Me: (to myself) Oh no, bowl in dishwasher. Nevermind, I’ll use another, she may not notice (yeah right!). Don’t forget the spoon. I always forget the spoon. (proudly take in cereal, so happy that I remembered a spoon). A: I don’t want a spoon. Take it away! Me: (to myself) Fail. A: Why is it in this bowl? I don’t. want. this. bowl! Me: (to myself) She noticed the bowl…

7.05 Me: (go to make own breakfast). A: Actually I would like milk on it! Please can you get me some milk? Me: (to myself) At least she said please… (get some milk, hand over a spoon – she definitely needs a spoon now) A: I don’t want a pink spoon, I want an orange one! Me: (to myself) Failed! Again! (to A) You don’t have an orange spoon??? A: YES I DO!!! (appears with random orange spoon I have never seen before in my life) Me: Oh! Ok then…

7.10 Me: (back to making my own breakfast). A: It’s gone soggy. I don’t want it SOGGY. I want something else to eat! Please can I have SOMETHING ELSE! Me: (to myself) Panic! There is nothing else… (search kitchen) Result! A banana! Only one though, but boy child is not awake yet so I should be ok. (to A) Would you like a banana? A: No, I would like an apple. Me: We don’t have any apples. A: APPLE! Me: (to myself) Note to self: get some more apples. (Decide to have banana myself).

7.20 Me: (sit down with banana). A: Please can I have a banana? Me: (hand over banana). A: No not that one, my own one! Me: This is the only one left. I haven’t even opened it yet, it’s fine. A: I want my own one!!!! Me: (take banana to kitchen, bring banana back in). A: (eats half of banana and discards rest). I want an apple! Me: We don’t have any apples. A: Please can you go to Sainsbury’s and get some? Me: I’ll get some later. A: NO, NOW!

8.00 Me: (to myself) Time to get dressed, can’t put it off any longer. Please don’t make me. 5 more minutes? No, let’s just get it over with… (to A&E) Time to get dressed! Go and find some clothes.

8.05 Me: (to A) Where are your clothes? A: I want to wear summer clothes today. Me: Ok, find yourself some knickers and then I’ll get the summer clothes out.

8.10 Me: Where are your knickers? A: I’m playing! Me: Get some knickers!

8.15 Me: (give up waiting, hand her knickers myself). A: I don’t want these ones! I want to get my own!

8.20 Me: Please put your knickers on.

8.25 Me: KNICKERS! A: Ok mummy, no need to shout! Me: (handing over a small selection of carefully chosen summer clothes to look at). Here are some summer clothes, which do you like? A: None, I want these… (picks up virtually everything else).

8.30 A: (finds shorts that are acceptable). Me: (handing her a t-shirt that goes) Here is a t-shirt that will go well with those shorts. A: NO! (tries on absolutely every other t-shirt in the pile).

8.40 A: (begrudgingly accepts first t-shirt I showed her). Me: Now go and find some socks!

8.45 A: (appears in one sock). Me: Go and find your other sock! A: Noooooo!

8.55 Me: Where is your other sock? A: (rolls around on floor screaming).

9.00 Me: Time to go! Where is your other sock? Please go and find your other sock! A: (continues rolling around on floor).

9.05 Me: SOOOOCK! A: Mummy, you are always shouting at me! Just ask nicely.

(Process then repeats with shoes).

9.10 Me: (to myself) Finally, out of the door. So glad I chose a pre-school so close to home.

9.15 Me: (to myself, after dropping A off at pre-school) It is probably far too early for celebratory wine. Let’s go to the park!


11.30 Me: (arrive home, find my attempt at making own breakfast, tidy all away, have coffee and chocolate).

12.15 Me: (pick up A from pre-school, having picked up apples on the way)

12.30 (Lunch). Me: (to A, excitedly) When you’ve finished your lunch you can have an apple! A: I don’t want an apple, I want grapes. Graaaaaaapes! Me: (to myself) And failed once more… Note to self: consider buying a farm, growing own fruit and veg, and rearing own cows for milk for an easier life.

(Still too early for wine. Wonder why I ever thought that having children was a good idea…)


A morning with E (boy child):

7.30 E: (Wakes up and plods downstairs. Sits quietly with milk).

7.35 E: (Accepts bowl of cereal with milk and spoon).

7.40 E: (Reads a book).

7.45 E: (Gets out some toys and plays).

8.00 Me: Time to get dressed! Go and find some clothes! E: (Brings nappy, wipes, and changing mat, and lies down on changing mat).

8.05 E: (Gets dressed).

8.10 E: (Plays)

8.45 Me: Go and find some socks! E: (appears with socks, shoes, coat and bag of stuff ready for park).

9.00 Me: Time to go! E: (gets in buggy).

9.30 E: (Plays in park).

11.15 E: (Gets into buggy and falls asleep).

(Decide that this whole parenting thing is a doddle and wonder how nice it would be to have lots more children…)

Admittedly, E is not an angel all of the time. He knows exactly how to wind A up, is developing quite a temper, and has a scream on him that can turn you into a quivering wreck. But, in general, he is well behaved and just so happy. Whereas A… Man, GIRLS! Nobody told me about girls! I probably should have known about them, being one myself, but some days I wonder if I will actually get through to bedtime…

One thought on “Girl v Boy

  1. I think maybe this is also the differences between first child and second child! Ruaridh sounds just like your girl! Admittedly Phoebes is still tiny but she’s super chilled out whilst Ruaridh was and still is high maintenance!


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